


My strange addiction

by newmoons



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Comfort, F/F, Hurt, LGBT, LGBT+, Romance, queer, wlw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:20:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27155825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/newmoons/pseuds/newmoons
Relationships: Amélie Lacroix/Lena Oxton, Lena "Tracer" Oxton/Widowmaker | Amélie Lacroix, Lena Oxton/Amélie Lacroix, Lena Oxton/Widowmaker, Tracer X Widowmaker, Tracer/Widowmaker, Widowmaker/Lena Oxton, Widowmaker/Tracer, amelie lacroix x lena oxton, lena "tracer" oxton/widowmaker, lena oxton x amelie lacroix, widowmaker x tracer, widowmaker/lena "tracer oxton"
Kudos: 10





	My strange addiction

You could do me some damage. That doesn't stop me. There will be pain behind this, but what have I not sacrificed as a hero? You're ultraviolet in my eyes, worth the burn of the fire that is surely waiting for me, bewitched. Let the burn begin.

I am loved, and I am forgotten. Just once more, I wish to know you. The curtains move and I remember the way you did, beneath me and above me, like a ghost, all-encompassing, and the way you're gone now, too.

You would think I had learned my lesson: you take what you want when you want it, and you wanted me. I am a fool, though, don't you know? A moment has frozen in my heart the way your cold hands gripped my hips that night.

It hurts but I know how to hide it- after all, I like it, and you leave shortly after. What could there be for us? I still wait for you. The hours tick by and I am sat on my window, waiting for the clink of your grapplehook on the sill. It won't come.

Your darkness cannot explain my symptoms or my pain, but you do know heartbreak, don't you?

I should have walked away long ago and maybe I'd make it out alive, but when you treat me like that...

The softness in your eyes is like molten gold and I wonder what it must be like to drip in ichor. I would like the canines of the Gods to know what you taste like, but you are lost and in no interest of being found. Where have you gone, my love? Why have you left?

Yes, I'm all out of sorts for you. Do you know? I wonder when I lay in bed at night and the dark floats above me like you had, the curtain of your hair cutting me off from the light of the moon: if I had been touched by purity, would I have been saved?

I'm a mess and it's your fault, but you don't spend much time on that: instead you are focused on my demise, and so am I; we pretend when we're together.

You are fire that runs cold and consumes my lungs when you kiss me. Come to my flat and let's start again.

You've got such a pretty face but such a dirty mouth, full of venom and lies that sting like cuts on my skin. I wish I believed them when you whisper against my mouth with your fingers inside me and the arch of my spine screams your truth.

I'll only see what you let me and we'll only keep playing, but you've got me all wrong. I will do what I need to hold you, and that means my heart breaks against the justice my feet stand for- will I move for your bullet?

You tell me I should not be afraid because the shadows love you, but do you not know of me? We live on the dark side when we are fearless; a word I should only know as a hero, but am acutely aware of when you hold my hand- do you ever?

There are no secrets worth keeping with you. You know my tongue intimately like our own language- isn't that what we have? I tell you that I love you and you hear "I will break my back to make you feel again." You say "I love you" and I hear the silence after too loud. Don't you want me?

I only miss you when I open my eyes. I decided once to let you go for the better sake of my heart, but here I am cradling its pieces in hands bloodied in ways maybe you would know- now, what of murder, my assassin? You did not expect to kill me this way, did you? I wonder sometimes when I wander the streets in aimless search of you whether you know I exist still, and if you are watching me through your lens from afar: I live like I'm on camera.

I only miss you when I close my eyes. I try to sleep and I am shocked awake by your presence- no matter how small. 

We are outlaws on the run the way you've taken my heart hostage and you hold me in each new location, the only constant and the only permanent; I know I can love you.

Hide away with me and see what we can become. You're hurting, hurting and can't keep a bottle, showing me the wine and blood stains on your teeth but I do not flinch, I do not flinch. I know you.

We are both scared, so dance in the dark with me where we cannot see the hands that roam. Make it an art and color me with your gold, the only trace of color I have become. Gold, gold, gold.

We have to be the first to run. Justice on our tail and stuck in my veins- is that why my body screams when you touch me? This is how to be a heartbreaker: love me, love me, love me.

In the morning we are both estranged and I wonder what it means to be yours all the time.

I know the next time we fight, we will die; the blood from your nose will color your lips and I will kiss them and taste myself, too. You will show me what it means to be alive, and to die at the same time. Will you find me again?

You call me after dark when I don't want part, but my habits hold me like a grudge and all I have ever known is stubbornness. I am polite when I say yes, hoping that you will retract from this game we constantly play and constantly lose. What is there for us?

"Good morning," becomes "hello" where "good night" was "goodbye." Long enough and you are in my bed, and I am making you coffee in the morning where once she was in my place. Do you remember her? I do. Maybe you should.

Let me know you. In the end, we're all stories, and I have seen chapters of yours. I want to be a bent page.

Each time you kiss me, I am ready for the worst. You will bring me to my knees each time, and I will look up in reverence and watch you in the dim light of my room: you never could make love in the light.

The truth has settled in and I am on my bed, knees pulled to my chest as I remember: there is no crying wolf now. Remind me how it feels to hear your voice.

There is nowhere to go. You know where I will be hiding, with all of your eyes on me. You have many, like a God- are they only for me? Yet you do not see me, you do not see me.

Where some will take the high road, I will take the low to love you. A world without you is what I need to do, but how can I? How can I? I will not remember my goal in the light of day and in the night it is what haunts me. You, you, you, are all I can think of.

You have your theories and I wonder if my love is one of them. You are made of stone cold and lies, so would you know my truth if I told you? When I touch you? I do not know. I only hope. I only keep running when I am out of breath: you know you're your own assassin, and you don't need help with that.

You never check the mirror for fear of what will you see: a killer staring back with your eyes that once watched me with a softness I don't think you would recognize. You are brainwashed not to recognize the desire you feel but I will teach you, I will teach you.

Make me scream and I will come undone, but you never want to know me in the morning when you are done. You leave when you are done and I wonder what you get from gifting me a momentary pleasure. Do you know I wish to have you for more than a moment?

Some things never change and you are with the greedy when you cover the bruises and battle scars.

I will lose my mind from endless praying. Don't blame it on me when I am in the cathedral on my knees where I was in front of you last night: it is not the same worship, my love. This is not your fight. When it will be, I will perish at your hand. Do not mourn me, for all I have ever worshiped is your love.

Come out from where you are hiding: I have seen you before and I will see you again. Put your hands up and show me your redemption and I will come, I will come. Take me through the night to where you lay your head and I will save you in your dreams; I will fall into the dark side for you.

I know nothing but your love. Let go of the night and know intimacy in my sheets where my hands will search you for salvation in the light, knowing you are still there. If you would give me the chance, I would show you what healing feels like with my kiss. You hold me like you do, while we are young and fearless. Will you still love me in the morning?

You are my strange addiction, and I am in much more danger than an overdose as I withdraw from you. Hours on end and I am pacing, running my hands through my hair and watching the windows for so much more than a sniper's rifle: I know what you have to offer.

What can I lose that you have not gained? I only have my life to give, and that is your ultimate. What do you hope to achieve here with me in your arms? I do not see the glint of a weapon when your eyes reflect the lights in my room.

Shadows haunt me and I look up: have mercy on me when I watch for your figure on the building tops, racing to be beside me. Would I die quietly to save you?

It's you and I and we are running like young gods from the worship of human beings who know nothing of our myths, waiting to lose our immortality and find the meaning of life again. Are you tired?

I never knew what they meant when they said Rome fell in a night until I loved you: the years of dedicating myself to a better service fell through my hands when you showed up. Why don't we just pretend?

You only ever touch me in the dark. Only if we're drinking do you see the light in me that is a shadow in the sun with you at my hand. One day, you will be at the end of my pistol, or I at your rifle, and I will know what it means to say I love you in the morning.

I wanted to think it was all worth the fight, but where is there an end in line? We cannot know and we cannot hide, for we are beacons and there is only darkness where you follow. You always did say I was your sun.

You said you wanted to make me proud as you shook in my arms and I told you you have, you have, you have as you break the walls built in your mind against your will. How else could I know you? Speak a little softer, my love.

This time is your way. I follow your lead and end on a cliff where the wind is nothing but pushing me to safety, but your hand is at my back and I am nothing if leaning into it for the touch of your fingertips before my body breaks the surface and I am not breathing, not breathing.

I know I knocked your heart out of sync when I came round. What you are is lonely, and there is no cure in the world for being a broken heart without another to indulge in. Allow me to make space for you in my chest. I would wait for you.

Only fools will travel where the angels will go, and I have found the devil on my side when you are at my back and holding my hand behind you, never one to look down or away. You stare into me and I wonder what you see: heaven or hell, my dear?

You get to choose.


End file.
